


Where Luke is Not a Baby Stealer, Han Wants a Medal, and Din Wants His Kid to Stay Enrolled in the Good Preschool

by cosmicocean



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Jedi Luke Skywalker, luke's doing his best, this is borderline crack so i'm putting it in this tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29413134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: The door opens behind them and slams shut. Leia storms in, giving Luke a dark look.“Do you know how much work it’s going to take to find that guy?” she says. “You didn’t get a name, Luke, and even if you had, Mandalorians don’t have names. You can’t just go around asking after the Mandalorian.”“Grogu can tell me about him.” Sort of. He doesn’t get exact words from Grogu so much as feelings and impressions. Right now he gets the feeling of lightness from where he’s sleeping on Han and Leia’s couch, so it must be a good dream. “I know he’s a bounty hunter.”“Well, that’s just great.” Leia folds her arms. “We’ll just go around and knock on every bounty hunter’s door and say excuse me, have you seen a metal man? We don’t know how tall he is or anything else about him, but my brother here has described him effectively as ‘shiny’.”Luke didn't actually tell Din everything he needed to know when he found Grogu. Han works to remedy that.
Relationships: Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker & Han Solo, Luke Skywalker & Han Solo
Comments: 34
Kudos: 471





	Where Luke is Not a Baby Stealer, Han Wants a Medal, and Din Wants His Kid to Stay Enrolled in the Good Preschool

“First of all, kid,” Han says, with an exaggerated patience that Luke finds a little insulting. “You can’t just go around kidnapping babies.”

Luke feels a little insulted. “I didn’t kidnap _anybody_. The Mandalorian said it was okay. I had his permission.”

“Did you get his contact info?”

“No.”

“Did you tell him that he was gonna see his kid again?”

“No.”

“Then you basically stole that baby. You want to be called _Luke Skywalker, Baby Stealer_ instead of _Luke Skywalker, Hero Jedi?_ ”

“I don’t _like_ being called _Luke Skywalker, Hero Jedi_.”

The exaggerated patience intensifies as Han leans across the table in his and Leia’s Coruscant apartment. “Yeah, but one of ‘em’s _worse_ , Luke.”

Luke glowers. “I didn’t steal Grogu.”

“Sometimes it strikes me how crazy it is that I let you babysit my kid.” Han shakes his head. “You better tell us where you’re taking Ben once he’s old enough to go to the Academy.”

“You _know_ where I want to put the Academy.”

“Not confidence inspiring.”

The door opens behind them and slams shut. Leia storms in, giving Luke a dark look.

“Do you know how much work it’s going to take to find that guy?” she says. “You didn’t get a _name,_ Luke, and even if you had, _Mandalorians don’t have names._ You can’t just go around asking after _the Mandalorian_.”

“Grogu can tell me about him.” Sort of. He doesn’t get exact words from Grogu so much as feelings and impressions. Right now he gets the feeling of lightness from where he’s sleeping on Han and Leia’s couch, so it must be a good dream. “I know he’s a bounty hunter.”

“Well, that’s just great.” Leia folds her arms. “We’ll just go around and knock on every bounty hunter’s door and say _excuse me, have you seen a metal man? We don’t know how tall he is or anything else about him, but my brother here has described him effectively as ‘shiny’._ ”

Luke scowls. “He’s in metal armor, Leia, I don’t know what you wanted me to say.”

“I _wanted_ you to not go around abducting babies, something I didn’t _think_ I needed to tell you, but-“

“ _I didn’t abduct any babies._ ”

“I can do that,” Han says suddenly. The twins look at him.

“What?” Leia asks. “Abduct babies?”

Han rolls his eyes. “ _No._ ”

“What, then?”

“I mean, bounty hunters don’t have _doors_ , but I can go around asking people about him.”

“ _You?_ ” Luke asks, allowing plenty of disbelief to seep into his tone, considering Han’s been a little holier-than-thou this whole time. He feels like he’s earned the right to be mean.

Han looks affronted. “Hey, in case you’ve forgotten, I happen to be a smuggler.”

“ _Were_ a smuggler,” Leia corrects.

“Were, am, whatever. They’ll never talk to you two, you’re too upright.”

“Do you have any idea how many rules I broke on Tatooine to be able to go flying and live my life away from the Hutts?” Luke asks.

“By the age of nineteen,” Leia points out, a little sardonically. “I was a spy for a rebellion against an authoritarian regime.”

“ _Point is_ , smugglers’ll talk to me. I’m like them.”

“Han,” Luke says. “You’re a decorated general for the New Republic. Your wife is a prominent figure in the New Republic Senate.”

“And I’m her no good suspicious scoundrel husband, don’t you read the tabloids, that’s all anyone’s ever saying about me.”

“That’s true,” Leia muses. “That _is_ all anyone is ever saying about him.”

“I can do it. I’m charming.” Luke gives Han a look, one he knows Leia is sporting an identical copy of. “You know, I can’t believe I didn’t put together that you were twins earlier, you give me the _exact_ same look when you don’t have any faith in me.”

“You see it all the time, so you must not be shocked,” Leia says dryly.

“Not from me,” Luke cuts in, raising his hand. “For the record. I’m the good one.”

“Oh, we all know you’re the good one,” Leia snaps. She turns back to Han. “You really think you can do it?”

Han shrugs. Leia pulls a face and he sighs. “Sweetheart, ain’t no way a bounty hunter is gonna wanna talk to you. Every bounty hunter is gonna clam up at the presence of a Jedi. I might be a general but I’m the best chance you got. And,” he adds, running a hand through his hair. “If I have to sit through one more of those Senatorial dinners where I know some of the senators are gonna go off the record to the news in the morning and talk about what a barbarian I am, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Leia’s face softens. “Han, you know I don’t care what they say.”

“Hey, I don’t care that they don’t like me, I care that they’re too slimy to do anything other than tell reporters about it. If you got a problem with a guy, you say _hey, I don’t like you_ to his face.”

“That’s almost gotten you shot six times since we met,” Luke says. “At _least._ ”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still right.”

Leia turns to Luke. “I think he should do it.”

Luke eyes Han trepidatiously. Han gives him his best bullshit artist look, which does not make him feel any better about the situation, but Luke’s low on options.

“Alright,” he says. “Fine. But keep in touch with me about looking for him. I want to know all developments.”

“Hey, I’m reliable.”

“I know,” Luke answers, and he means it. Han may bluster, but he’s a reliable man these days.

Han stands and makes his way for the fridge, ruffling Luke’s hair as he goes. “Just don’t go around stealing any other babies, kid.”

“This guy is _prolific_ ,” Han says to him over hologram.

“Yeah?” Luke scoops a chunk of meat out of his soup with his spoon. “How so?”

“I mean he’s hunted down a _lot_ of people. Like. A _lot_ of people.”

“Grogu has said that he was busy.” An impression bursts into Luke’s mind of _blaster bolts red fighting running_ as Grogu glances up from the broth he’s drinking. “He wanted to protect him quite badly.”

“Yeah, well, everyone wants a piece of him, I can tell you that much. I’ve had eight offers of rewards if I shoot him when I find him.”

“Have you got any leads?”

“Yeah, heard tell from a guy in a cantina out on Visheq that he was just on Xert buying himself a new ship. I’m gonna head out there to find him.”

“Sounds good.”

Grogu is still in silent meditation the next time Han calls so Luke leaves him be and picks up.

“How’d it go on Xert?” he asks.

Han looks a little ruffled. “It’s cold.”

“Didn’t we go there on a Rebellion mission?”

“Yeah. I hated it then and I hate it now.”

“So no luck?”

“No, I’m going to Weshm now, apparently he went after a bounty there.” Han shoves his hands in his pockets. “How’s the womp rat?”

“Good.” Luke looks over at him from where he’s perched perfectly on his little blue pouf, eyes closed in quiet peace. “Tranquil.”

“One of us should be,” Han says, and shuts off the holo.

Luke doesn’t hear from Han for three days, and when he hails Luke, he’s pretty grumpy.

“You could have _mentioned_ Fennec Shand was there,” he says irritably.

“I don’t know who Fennec Shand is.”

“Assassin and mercenary. One of the best. She was there when you found the kid.”

Luke sighs. “I don’t know the name of every assassin and mercenary in the galaxy, Han.”

“Would make my life a lot easier if you did.”

“So what did Fennec Shand tell you?”

“Nothing, yet. Apparently she’s on Tatooine. I’m gonna go see her, see what she can tell me.”

“Okay. I’m sorry that it’s taking so long.”

Han harrumphs. “Just tell me if you remember the name of any _other_ important people who were there.”

Luke is woken to the sound of his communicator loudly beeping. He sits up groggily, groping for the thing and hitting the button to receive the message.

Han pops into view, clearly agitated.

“ _YOU DIDN’T TELL ME HE HANGS OUT WITH FETT,_ ” he shouts.

“What?”

“ _BOBA FETT. HE HANGS OUT WITH BOBA FETT._ ”

Luke’s not conscious enough for this. “Boba Fett’s dead.”

“He’s not.”

“I was there, Han.”

“I was there when he just got a _shot_ off at me, Luke, I’m pretty sure he’s still alive.”

“But he went into the Sarlacc pit. No one escapes a Sarlacc pit. They used to tell us stories to scare us from going out into the dunes at night alone.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, he’s _definitely_ alive.”

Luke tries not to dwell on the unsettling possibility of an unkillable Boba Fett. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” Han says sourly. “And neither is he, _unfortunately._ He’s pals with Fett. You’re consorting with people who hang out with _Fett_ now?”

Luke feels a little nettled. “I’m not consorting with anybody.”

“Luke-“

“Han, Grogu has assured me that we have nothing to fear from the Mandalorian.”

“Swell. Let’s take the word of an infant about whether or not his father’s an-“

“Han,” Luke says, voice a little stronger this time. “I’m not letting the man think I’ve taken his kid away forever.”

Han huffs in annoyance. “This could all have been avoided if you’d just carry business cards, you know.”

“I’ll keep it in mind for next time.”

“They gave me a name to look for.”

“Who’d you have to kill for it?”

“ _Nobody_ , we had a reasonable conversation like _gentlemen._ ”

Luke grins. “Were you gentlemanly or were you reasonable? I can’t picture you doing both.”

“Laugh it up, kid, but we’re gonna have a long talk when I get back about the big shiny medal you’re gonna give me for this whole adventure.”

“Ask Leia to give you a medal.”

“Leia’s gonna say no. But you’re the fun twin.”

“I know damn well,” Luke says. “That you say _you’re the whatever twin_ to whichever twin you’re trying to get something out of.”

“Medal, Luke. Big and shiny.”

Han looks even more discombobulated than he did before when he next checks in with Luke.

“That kid is a _prince_ ,” Han says. “You’ve got a kriffing _prince_ that you’re _training_ in your _apartment_ on _Coruscant_.”

“What?”

“A _prince_ , Luke! The Mandalorian is the _rightful heir to the throne of Mandalore._ ”

Luke blinks. “I thought that was Bo-Katan Kryze.”

“Yeah, so does she.”

“You talked with Bo-Katan?”

“That’s the name Fett and Shand gave me.”

Luke rubs his forehead wearily. “How did you get the name from Fett and Shand, anyway?”

“I told them it was about the kid. Mandalorians have this whole thing about foundlings. The _point_ is, the Mandalorian won the Darksaber from Moff Gideon in combat. Mandalore is rightfully his now.”

“Wow.” Luke thinks it over. “So he’s on Mandalore?”

Han scowls. “ _No_ , cause he doesn’t _want_ to be the ruler of Mandalore. He wants to _shoot_ things, apparently, and _catch_ people, and to make my life _difficult_. He keeps trying to give it to Bo-Katan and she can’t take it cause that’s not how the Darksaber works. She’s pretty aggravated.”

 _Rightful heir to the Mandalorian Throne._ Hells. “So now what?”

“Now I see if I can find out where Cara Dune is and see where I go from there.” Han points at Luke. “You owe me, kid. Big time.”

“Thank you, Han.”

“Hmph.”

The next call he gets is quick to the chase.

“Nevarro,” Han says. “He’s on Nevarro. Come now and come quick cause I don’t know how long he’ll be here for.”

Luke shuts off the communication device, gets Grogu, and heads for his ship.

“How’s that medal coming, kid?” Han asks when Luke arrives just outside of town.

“The biggest and shiniest I can find,” Luke answers dryly. “Where is he?”

“He’s in town with Cara Dune. She’s the sheriff here.”

Luke adjusts Grogu in his arms. “Lead the way.”

“Don’t have to.” He nods towards the entrance to the town. “We’re getting the welcome wagon.”

Grogu immediately starts fussing in Luke’s arms and projecting hard at him _let me go let me go let me go let me go let me go_ until Luke gently lowers him and sets him on his feet. He hurtles towards the two figures Luke can see, one a tall woman he vaguely remembers seeing around the Rebellion and one that is, as Han and Luke walk closer, undeniably the Mandalorian, even though he’s got his helmet on this time. The Mandalorian falters for a second when he sees Grogu, then speeds up until he’s nearly jogging. He falls to his knees and catches the kid in his arms, and Luke can feel the happiness radiating from Grogu from there.

“What’s going on?” He hears the Mandalorian ask. “What happened?” He stands, looking at Luke and Han. “Why are you here?”

“We needed to see you,” Luke answers.

“What, you won’t train him either?” The Mandalorian sounds abruptly angry. “What’s the matter with you Jedi? He’s powerful, can’t you see that? He’s powerful, he’s strong. I don’t care that you think he’s _angry_ , I don’t care what you think about his _attachments._ ” He gets closer, voice rising a little bit. “He’s a _good kid_ , and he should be trained. Who do you think you are, making that kind of decision?”

“Hey,” Han snaps before Luke can say anything. “Watch who you’re talking to, pal, this is Luke Skywalker.”

“I don’t know who that is,” the Mandalorian snaps back. The woman snorts from where she’s stopped just a little behind him.

Han gives Luke a withering look. “You didn’t tell him your _name?_ ”

Luke glares, wanting to say _well, I’ve never taken in a kid to train before, I don’t have a system yet_ , but he feels like that’s just going to make the Mandalorian angrier and he seems pretty annoyed already. The woman cuts in.

“He’s one of the last Jedi masters,” she says, looking to the Mandalorian. “Was there when Palpatine was killed. Blew up the first Death Star.”

“Hey, Cara,” Han says. That’s right. Luke remembers seeing the two of them together a couple times.

“Hey, Han.” She turns back to the Mandalorian, a little amused. “None of this is ringing a bell, huh?”

“I don’t care _who_ he is, I want-“

“Sir,” Luke says, raising a hand. “I’m not here because I won’t train Grogu. I want to train him.”

This seems to draw him up short. "Oh.”

“I was… remiss, before. I didn’t tell you the full truth.” Luke takes a step forwards. “The Jedi of old took children from their parents. They could never see them again. I believe it is one of the greatest flaws of those who came before me. I intend to open an Academy where I can train Jedi, and at this Academy, parents will always be welcome.” Luke holds out a data card. “This has my location on Coruscant, as well as my personal holo and commlink numbers, and a special pass designating that you may visit Republic airspace untroubled.” He feels his lips twitch a little. “The perks of being royalty.” Cara lets out a full blown laugh from behind him. “You can go on trips out in Coruscant, if you like. You can even take him for a jaunt off planet.Whenever you wish to see Grogu, you may.”

The Mandalorian eyes the data card, then slowly shifts Grogu to one arm. He takes the data card from Luke and slides it into his pocket.

“It was my mistake in not making that clear as soon as we met.” Luke looks where the eyehole slit in the mask is, doing his best to guess where his eyes actually are so he can look into them. “I apologize for that, and for the distress I’m sure I caused.”

“Thank you,” the Mandalorian answers, a little stiffly.

“Why don’t we stay a little while? I would like to see your fine town.”

“Buy me a drink, Dune,” Han says. “You owe me one after last time.”

“I’m pretty sure _you_ owe me one after last time.”

Han and Cara start bickering as they walk back towards town. Grogu wraps his hand around the Mandalorian’s thumb.

“Frogs,” the Mandalorian says, a little less standoffish than before. Luke is appreciative that he’s making an effort.

“What?”

“The kid likes to eat frogs. Keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn’t. It’s not good for him.”

“I’ll bear it in mind.” Luke watches Grogu, still emanating a steady wave of joy. “You know, I can feel what he feels when he feels things very strongly. And he is very happy to see you.”

The Mandalorian’s arm tightens around him.

“Yeah,” he says, voice tight but not, Luke is sure, due to anger this time. “Me, too.”

Luke buys Han the biggest and shiniest trophy he can find in a pawn shop on Coruscant, one that says _WORLD’S GREATEST HOVERBALL CHAMP_.

Han shrugs, says “close enough”, and puts it on his nightstand until Leia tells him he has to move it cause he keeps knocking it off early in the morning and waking her up.

**Author's Note:**

> It's a new story!
> 
> I wouldn't expect anything new from me for a little while after this (I'm having a lot of anxiety these days that I've written something that will hurt somebody else and it's hampering my posting), but I wrote this for my friend Klaudia (go follow klaudiart on tumblr she does such lovely Mandalorian art!) for her birthday and I went "ah, fuck it" about posting it. I had a lot of fun writing it, y'all. I enjoy writing the original trio being chaotic.
> 
> Anyway, it makes no sense to me that Luke would just show up, take Grogu, and just leave like that. This is my attempt to remedy that.
> 
> Come check me out on tumblr @ cosmicoceanfic!


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